captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
