yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
