can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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