I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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