Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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