i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
