i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
