they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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