if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
