My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
