Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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