im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
