no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
