So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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