Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
