I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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