so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
