I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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