guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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