NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
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