no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
