I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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