Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
