Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
