i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
