My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
