I must be too annoying 4 u.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
