I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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