I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
