I think I died a long time ago.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
