you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
