i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx