The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me