We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs