haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.