I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.