I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there