I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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