you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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