im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
