You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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