i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
