i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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