he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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