so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
