I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
