Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she woke up with a sticky ear
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
