i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want a musical about memes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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