Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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