girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
