well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
