My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize