So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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