Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's the barista slut.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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