New low: just hacked my moms facebook
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
