I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
