Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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