Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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