I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
