Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping