her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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