i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
