you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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