What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Semen is not good for contacts.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
