so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
